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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Fortunately, our older son is not much of a "burden."  We paid for all of his college (a LAC) and grad school and helped him buy a place in DC (bought in a very "up and coming" area when it wasn't very expensive and did well).  He's a teacher, very socially conscientious and an all-round good person with good values.  Do they live in a place that's beyond what most at their income would make?  Yes - but that's not a problem.  At least they're generally appreciative and don't expect to always piggyback off us!

#1's wife (DIL 1) would make an excellent mother but can't conceive.  So they've been trying adoption or surrogacy - both fraught with difficulties!

[b]But #1 seems to have a lot of resentment towards #2 - I think he feels less loved especially since the grandchildren were born.  I think they feel it's unfair they can't have children like they've long wanted and that the "#2s" can "just pop out children" (to put it crudely).  He also thinks they are spoiled and entitled![/b]

#1 has even insisted:  I've benefited immensely enough, and you don't need to leave me money.  Leave it to grandchildren, for college, to a good cause, to hardworking cousins who are struggling etc.  I appreciate the noble sentiment but let's see where things are at in the future.

I remind  though that he doesn't want to trade places with #2 (and he certainly agrees).  #2 is unhappy and feels greatly ashamed.

It's kind of unfair to leave both sons different amounts though because we don't want to "play favorites".

[/quote]

Your #1 has a good head on his shoulders, and he's absolutely correct that his younger brother and SIL are spoiled and entitled.  Which you have created and enabled and continue to reinforce.

You will be a horrible, horrible, horrible person if you leave them anything other than equal amounts.  Really, though, I would suggest that you tell both sons that you are leaving your money to charity.  Your #1 will understand and support that.  And maybe, maybe, it will give #2 a chance to make something of his life.  [/quote]

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