Reply to What are some things people do unknowingly that make them seem elitist?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I do think my family thinks we don't spend enough on ourselves (like [b]making fun of my ikea curtains[/b]) yet they also think its normal to not be able to pay your CC balance each month. My mother will announce each year (usually in March or April) that she "finally paid off Christmas!!"

My poor husband I'm afraid is never going to win with them. He is not going to trade NPR for Fox News. I think he's really good about not bringing up politics. The issue is that they bring it up - and we just say nothing rather than vehemently agree.[/quote]

Everything you've said included the bolded part above make me think it's because you don't live like they do, you've made different choices, you have accumulated more wealth than they have and they feel threatened by this and jealous.  I don't know if there's an answer to this, other than showing an interest in their lives and asking questions rather than talking about yourselves, [b]which is too bad because you should be able to be yourself around family![/b]  [/quote]

OP here. This is what really bothers me. Also, most of my mom's most recent complaints were pretty cruel about my husband (but only spoken privately to me) basically saying that he acts like he is smarter than them and they don't like spending any time with him. I'm not saying my husband is perfect by any stretch, but he is inherently a good person and he is my best friend. [b]My mom's words were extremely extremely hurtful to me. When I told her that, she basically said that she could "suffer silently" no longer and she had to tell me. So NOW what?[/b][/quote]

I think you do a few things, OP.

1) Go back to your Mom and tell her that you thought about what she said, and that the deal is is that you love your husband just the way he is, that as you said above "he is inherently a good person and he is my best friend" and that you're not going to listen to her complain about him any more. DH cares about them, is not trying to show off, does the best he can towards his ILs. She needs to find a way to deal if she wants to see you on a regular basis. If/when she tries to complain to you about DH again, end the conversation.

2) Depending on her reaction, back off on visits.  "Mom, I'm not spending time with someone who complains about my husband.  He's a great person, so until you get your act together, we are just not going to see you as much."

3) Visit without DH here and there.  There's no need for him to waste valuable free time with people who complain about him.

What does your DH say, btw?  How much have you told him?[/quote]

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