Reply to Fiance, family , marriage, and history of sexual abuse.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Geesh! So much judgement in here! I can't help, but think the responses would be far more compassionate if the roles were reversed and the victim was OP ( female) instead of her fiance ( male).

Why do so many seemed surprised her fiance hid this for so long?
It's what he's been used to, his entire childhood he had to hide the abuse to survive.
The abuse stopped 20 years ago when he was 18. and that magically means he supposed to know how to recover from an entire childhood of abuse because he's of legal age.
Doesn't work like that.
Did you ever consider the shame he must feel/felt?
Plus he's male so there's issues of masculinity and questioning sexuality at play.
That's not even taking into account family dynamics, what if the stepfather is a big deal in the community? Maybe he is or was law enforcement? Where do you go then?
Maybe he wanted to tell someone sooner, but was afraid of being judged or accused of being  called a child abuser, and given the responses in this thread he would be right.
It's so easy to work everything out from behind a computer screen.
The only things he deserves is love, compassion, and support.
At least, OP seems to understand that.
She is wise to seek counseling, and hopefully that will prove beneficial to the both of them.[/quote]

No one is victim blaming, just being realistic. . Op's fiancé hasn't been in therapy . He hasn't started the healing process. If op goes ahead and marries him  with things the way they are it will end in disaster.. Op has the right to insist on counseling and boundaries with his family. Being compassionate doesn't equal being blind to your situation.[/quote]

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