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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, I know I'm part of the problem, but it never seems natural to set boundaries explicitly, and my MIL never understands what I think would be pretty obvious to most of my family members and friends.  I mean, I try to set boundaries by mildly expressing my dislike for something and by kindly refusing a particular thing or not inviting MIL for a while, but she never "gets the hint."  Most other people I know in my life would "get the hint" (I'm not talking subtle things here), but she doesn't.  It makes me very uncomfortable to explicitly tell her something that feels akin to saying, "Leave me the hell alone!"  That's not how I would say it, of course, but the directness of what she seems to need feels to me like it would be very offensive and is not something I would do with anyone else in my life (oddly enough, no one else in my life seems to need me to be that explicit, so it's clearly something going on with MIL and not me being a pushover).[/quote]

This is how my own family is!  I will start off politely declining and it's like they don't even hear it.  Then as we get closer to the "event" they assume I'm going to be part of it and I so I get a little less polite and more firm.  Then when it's clear I'm not participating, they completely lose it and gloves are off in their attempts to make me capitulate.  Then they're mad at me for a long time.  And then they accuse me of feeling guilty for not doing what they wanted.[/quote]

Just keep setting boundaries and communicating clearly. If the act out in retaliation, that is their problem, not yours.[/quote]

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