Reply to A "friend" lied to me. Do I call her out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, you don't have any right-to-the truth, you don't any rights here at all. I don't get that it was "lying" and that said lying was so awful. She was put on the spot and came up some other language trying to spare your feelings.[/quote]

Yeah, I agree with this, at least to a point.

I think there are two separate issues that are being conflated here.

The first is the "lying." Strictly speaking, it is not considered kosher to ask people if you are invited to events, and it is certainly considered rude to discuss a party you are having with a person you are not inviting. I understand that OP had been invited to the party in the past and considered her "friend" a close enough friend that it was okay to ask. But if "friend" doesn't consider OP that kind of close friend, then "friend" was simply trying to save face and bad feelings. That comes closer to "polite" than it does to "lying" among acquaintances (if not friends).

The second is is the friendship aspect. Yes, if someone you feel close to throws a party, doesn't invite you, and doesn't have a good reason for not inviting you (e.g.,"we're only doing family this year"), that falls under the label of "lying" but more important it falls under the label of "not a good friend." OP obviously needs to rethink how close she is to this person and whether she wants to be friends at all.

So, yeah, OP *could* confront her "friend" about this, and let her know that she knows about the party and knows she was purposely excluded. But the only reason to do this, IMO, is if OP wants to maintain the friendship. I would assess my relationship with this person, whether she has always been a good friend in the past and this current behavior seems out of character. If the answer is, "wow, I can't believe this, this is so unlike her," then by all means ask her about it, because it sounds like the friendship could be worth saving, and perhaps this is all a misunderstanding. But if the answer is (as OP seems to be implying in her posts), "This seems to confirm the feelings I was already having that this person is using me," then I wouldn't bother confronting the "friend." Because those kind of confrontations ARE childish and accomplish nothing, and because who wants her for a friend anyway? Now you know she isn't to be considered a real friend, so there is no need to accommodate requests to carpool, etc., unless doing so is convenient for you.[/quote]

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