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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, this may creep you out a bit, but here's my age-disparate tale:

- first wife was 22 years older than me - I was in my 20s, she in her (well-preserved) 40s.  It was a kind of cougar thing.  The well-preserved vanished almost immediately, and while our interests and phase of life overlapped just enough while dating, they pretty quickly diverged.  Finally - and I didn't get this until I grew up and matured a bit - [b]there is very frequently something emotionally broken or immature about someone who chooses a partner with that much less experience; they don't want a real peer who might have the knowledge to call them out on their shit.[/b]  We were committed to being committed (and this is a dumb ass reason to be married, BTW) - ie, just staying married so we didn't have to say we were divorced, and it lasted nearly a decade before I wasn't willing to throw my life away for the sake of a &quot;promise&quot;.

- following divorce, a few dating-around relationships and an LTR (&gt;5years) with a woman my own age.  She was a never-married, which was...not great at 40, because there is a [b]reason[/b] - always there is a reason - anyone who wants to be partnered and remains unpartnered that long.  She had ginormous fear of commitment and basically sabotaged the relationship.  Point being: choosing someone your own age is no guarantee of choosing someone without issues.

- finally, met DW, who is 11 years my junior - so it's not quite 40s marrying 20s.  It was mid-40s marrying early 30s.  I think that's crucial: [b]we were both in much more mature phases of our lives and had a better sense of our own selves, what we wanted out of life and out of a partner, and what we were responsible for providing for ourselves[/b].  I don't mean &quot;providing&quot; in a monetary sense either.  DW was unmarried and had nothing like the kind of relationship experience or history I have, and that made me nervous, but the truth is that after the previous two relationships, I decided I needed to get right in my relationship [i]with myself[/i] - which is where the bit about [i]what we were responsible for providing for ourselves[/i] comes from.  We are on an incredible roll, have a new baby and are still very much in love and happy.

I would caution you that you spend a long time thinking about why it is you think you want to marry someone so much older - what you expect that gets you.  The truth is that age is less relevant than having the right expectations, finding the right partner and being in a healthy relationship with yourself (and your partner having a healthy relationship with themselves as well).  I think big age disparities are a red flag, particularly about the older partner.  Yes, it's a lot of fun to bang a hot 20-something (did that too in between LTRs, was a lot of fun.), and a big ego boost when you're a middle-aged schlub like me, but sex is only one part of the relationship, and someone who is either limited to that facet or incapable of dealing with a peer likely is kind of fucked up.  [/quote]

I didn't know Ashton Kutcher posted on DCUM, cool, we should tell Jeff. 
[/quote]

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