Reply to DS struggling in the first few weeks of college, and it's killing me

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[quote=Anonymous]OP -- couple things from someone who went thru something similar not that long ago -- nothing wrong with you going to see him. If you do that -- go, buy him a meal, talk for a few hrs, and leave. I wouldn't do anything "overboard" like getting a hotel room for the weekend and encouraging him to stay with you. Also it's better for you to visit him than for him to come to you. You say he's only 2 hrs away -- esp if it's an "easy" commute as in he has a car or a direct train route or something, don't get in the habit of saying he should just come home for the weekend. A lot of times kids will do this to get away every weekend and then they feel even more on the outside bc they are missing out on weekend social activities or just even casually wandering the dorm.

How long did he go to his previous school district? I think your mantra should be -- you've only been in college for 2 weeks, you can't expect to have the same relationships in 2 weeks that you developed over 12 yrs back at home.

Also -- what kind of school is it? Small college? Large university? Rural? Urban? I know people here keep saying -- talk to the RA, but honestly I wouldn't. I found them to be useless -- they were anywhere from sophomores to 1st yr grad students at my school and honestly the majority were not in it to help frosh, they were in it for the free room and board. Any kind of "social" issues like this -- they'd act like you were a weird outcast who needed hand holding. It was the rare RA who helped you get involved w/o making you feel like you were a social misfit or somehow conveying to others -- this person is a loser, do me a favor and have dinner with them a few times??

Is he talking to people in classes? That's where I found it easiest -- bc you see the same people day in and day out and even in large lectures, the same people start to sit in the same seats. He should be striking up conversations before and after class. He needs to put himself out there -- if class ends at noon, he should be saying to those around him -- I was going to grab food at x, does anyone want to come? He doesn't look like he's desperate for company -- as he isn't putting anyone in an awkward spot as they can just say 'sorry I have another class in 10 min.' But it won't be surprised if a few people go along bc they recognize him from the dorms and now he's the friendly guy in class.

Same thing if there's a student union/café at school. Go there to study, hang out, listen to music, whatever. Eventually the same kids who see him all the time will get to know him.

Easiest way to make friends -- pledge a fraternity if his school allows fall pledge or join  club sport.[/quote]

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