Reply to Coming to grips with longterm relationship ending... why so hard?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds to me like she has deep feelings for you but doesn't know how to fix the problem.  I think if she didn't care about you she would have left by now.

She had no problem praising you in the first year of your relationship because she didn't see your flaws and you weren't criticising her lack of sex drive. Now she has both a high stress job and a high stress relationship.

I feel for your gf, but a year with no sex would be a deal breaker for me. (I am PP who was hard on you above.)  Good luck.  [/quote]

Thanks PP. But just to be clear she's had the high stress job all along. She was very sexual during the first 1.5 years of rel. even w/ high stress job. The job has been constant.[/quote]

You're not listening. Before she only had one high stress thing (job).  Things with you were lovely because she didn't know yet that it wasn't as perfect a match as you had both thought/hoped. Now you keep going on and on to her about no ring until she [b]BRINGS BACK[/b] ALL OF THE SEX AND COMPLIMENTS and so now YOU are high stress too. That is a lot for any woman to work through, even a really smart one, especially if she thinks she loves you and you've been together for three years.

Hearing stories like this kind of makes me wish I were a lesbian. 
[/quote]

But why did it ever need to be "brought back"... we had a great relationship. You mention some vague "it wasn't as perfect a match as you had both hoped" yet she hasn't communicated to me that I failed to do X, Y, or Z which led to the sex disappearing. This just makes no logical sense. Things were going along great. [/quote]

Didn't you answer this yourself in your opening paragraph -- the problems seemed to start over the last two years after you moved in together?  Wasn't that when she realized you weren't really going to be an equal partner in taking care of the house and also you gained weight and some of that initial attraction waned ... and then sex dropped off and you started complaining about her and in effect reminding her that her clock was ticking down and failing to satisfy you would have consequences?[/quote]

Sex dropped off first
Then I stepped up my game in regard to chores/house responsibilities
Sex continued to drop

I did not change. We had more sex when I was heavier and bad at chores then when I'm lighter and more hands on

For PP who asked about medical workup. yes she's been cleared. no thyroid issues. no hormone stuff.[/quote]

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