Reply to Coming to grips with longterm relationship ending... why so hard?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like she just doesn't love you, bro.  She can either try to get married to and have kids with someone she doesnt love or she can just let the relationship wind down to its logical end.

Sounds like she is choosing the latter option. [/quote]

I get it, but what I don't get is her lack of being decisive. She's the most decisive person I've ever met. Yet, for the past 2 years we've been at this sort of stalemate. She's gone from 34 to 36, now almost 37. But tells me how she wants kids. When we first started dating she told me she would never (at her age -- then 33) stay in a relationship that wasn't moving forward for more than 1-2 years. Seems odd for her to go back on that now, no?[/quote]

I think it's hard when you get into a state of stasis.  She might be hoping that you will change, and becoming more of the guy she was at first attracted to you.  Hoping her own feelings change, hoping that that spark of desire and "wow, he's so awesome" will come back.  [b]Hoping that you become more understanding and kind to her[/b].

And she's not ready to fully break things off until she knows for sure.

Affection and fondness, even when it's completely nonsexual, does a hell of a job of complicating the "I will never put up with" statements. [/quote]

Just to play devil's advocate. Can you think of too many guys who would be understanding about sex being off the table for nearly 2 years when health issues, kids, and marriage are not even involved? I mean I'm not looking for biggest martyr of the year award, but clearly you'd think she knows the market of 33 year old men willing to go 2 years without passion is small. My staying with her has to demonstrate some sort of care and love based on that fact alone![/quote]

I can actually.  And I think, again, you have a very narrow minded idea of what needs to happen for your realtionship to work. It's all about her changing, her doing what you want. I really dont see you thinking about what steps you can take, [b]at this point,[/b] to improve things with her.  That in itself is a turnoff.[/quote]

That's because of the two of us, I didn't change. She admits I haven't changed.[/quote]

Welp, maybe you are really just bad in bed.  Sorry, dude.   :-o [/quote]

Does that comment make you feel all high and mighty. Congrats. There's nothing I can say to you to convince you otherwise. It's not like I can prove to you it isn't that I'm a bad lay. If I was so bad doubt she would have been into it for as long as she was. Again, I'm somewhat annoyed this thread has become all about the sex. It's about the lack of passion (both physical and in other areas). Thanks to some PPs for providing some decent advice. Tough spot I'm in for sure.[/quote]

SHE.

DOESN'T.

HAVE.

PASSION.

FOR.

YOU.

No matter how many times you argue this point, it won't make it any less true.

She's just not that into you.... accept it![/quote]

DID.

NOT.

DISAGREE.

WITH.

YOU.

Just asking why she'd be ok with the status quo.[/quote]

You actually keep arguing that point.

And you dont seem that curious.

Anytime someone points out one of the reasons why she would be okay with the status quo, i.e. you have an annoying, "my way or the highway" way about you, bad in bed- you rush to contradict it, instead of listening.
[/quote]

You're having trouble keeping up. I admitted she doesn't feel passion for me. No argument there. None. Nada. I did disagree with the assessments of WHY she lacked passion for me. Those two things are mutually exclusive you do realize? In any event, I was less interested in the why she lacked passion question (PPs more into that cuz it's fun to kick someone around, I get it lots of bored ppl on Sunday night). The question I asked about, which some PPs shed light on, but not you is: why is she ok with the status quo.[/quote]

Lemme get this straight:
You want to know why she's still putting up with your ass when she's clearly not into it?[/quote]

Great, glad to know you read English. [/quote]

Alright, I'll give you my two cents:

Maybe she's been punking you for the past 3 years!  Maybe it's been an elaborate prank!

You certainly don't seem to have any insight into her, so how would we?[/quote]

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