Reply to So how hard is it really to be a single mother (by choice)?

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Reply to "So how hard is it really to be a single mother (by choice)?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP -- I'm you...or rather, what you could be in a few years. Make in the mid-$70s, had a kid by an anonymous sperm donor at age 40 (awesome to see "elderly primagravida" on my medical chart) and it is not "lunacy," unless you're talking about the lunacy of keeping up with a toddler! They are tiny lunatics.

[quote] When you have that sort of salary you generally don't have the kind of job where you can work from home when your kid is sick, or duck out of work last minute when your kid's school calls and you have to run there[/quote]
This is not at all my experience. I have a nice flexible job that allows me to walk out the door every day at 5 p.m. -- and I'm not the only one, so I don't stand out as a "slacker."  I work at home when I need to. I certainly wish I earned more, but the flexibility has its own value.

My child is delightful. I can't believe that I've been given this gift. But those daycare years will definitely be a huge drain on your finances, no question. There's a single moms by choice meetup group in this area if you want to talk with other women who are thinking about this and other women who have done this and are making it work. We have get-togethers all the time.

http://www.meetup.com/Single-Moms-By-Choice/

I respect the other single mothers here who have spoken to the challenges of this path, because it can be challenging, for sure. But for those who are not single but are just offering opinions -- this might seem hard to you because you've never done it. When it's all you know, you make it work. It's not like I can just come home from work one day and decide that no one needs dinner and I'm going to bed early. You make it work because it's your job (and also, it is a joy.) I adore my child.

Also, I actually think that the baby/toddler/young child years are simpler because the child's needs are easy to meet. Food, clothing, shelter, snuggles. When my kid enters into the tween and teen years is when I expect things to really be hard. I mean, imagine that you're going through menopause as your daughter is about to start her period. Hormones will be raging. And also, I expect the tween-teen identity-forming years to bring up a lot of issues about not having a dad. It's not all about sweet babies.

I scanned this thread really quickly but I think you said you were considering freezing your eggs? Don't waste your money. A lot of places won't freeze eggs of a woman over 38, anyway. You've done fertility stuff already so you know the stats, but I can say that looking back on it, I had no idea how lucky I was to get  pregnant on IVF #1 at age 40 (and no embryos survived to freeze) I think you should do what thinking you need to do to make a decision, but if you think this is a path you want to pursue, I'd consider moving pretty quickly on it. [/quote]

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