Reply to So how hard is it really to be a single mother (by choice)?

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Reply to "So how hard is it really to be a single mother (by choice)?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, is it possible you are considering making this huge life change due to depression or grief over the loss of your pregnancy... and perhaps your husband's unsympathetic or inappropriate reaction to it (and not sharing feelings, etc)? The whole fertility process is very trying and often puts a big stress on a marriage. I read this " My husband loves me and I still feel lonely" and I feel bad for you because it sounds like you have your own issues to work out before you take this leap.

While I am a strong supporter of single moms by choice (SMCs) because I am one, it wasn't my life's plan. It is a rewarding but tough life choice, especially without help or enough funds. Take all the help your parents are able to give you, including moving into there home if need be! Mine lived to far away to help much.

At this point, to go the SMC route your biggest hurdle is not money but TIME. Fertility clinics will not impregnate "married" women with donor sperm without the full consent of the spouse! You will be considered a married woman (untreatable) until you divorce which I suppose will take at least another year. If you are age 40, your window of opportunity is closing fast or closed. Yes, you can possibly freeze your eggs (but consult a lawyer as they may be part of a divorce settlement if extracted during the marriage, even if unfertilized) but this is not guaranteed to work. Yes, I sound harsh but I waited too long and could not get pregnant over 40 with my own eggs... I had to go the (expensive) donor egg route. Can you afford that?

Sometimes I wonder if I should have just married one of my EX boyfriend's (nice guys would have made great fathers but not necessarily a good husband for me) just to have a kid. Unless your husband is a total brute or bore or financially irresponsible (no need to respond, TMI), would you consider the option to stay married, try counseling and try having a child together while putting a big effort into making the marriage work, at least for a few years? That may be your best option if you really want a child. (I can't believe I just typed this... I'm NOT a proponent of staying in a bad marriage.)

Good Luck!

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