Reply to Regretting taking the mommy track

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why don't you divorce him?  There doesn't seem to be anything stopping you.[/quote]

Kids and hope. [/quote]

NP here.  It sounds like there are some underlying marriage issues.  I'm not sure what the best answer is but I saw my parents struggle thru this to some extent.  They didn't have the same picture of the future.  My mom is the brilliant one that turned down high paying jobs so she could be closer to the kids/work part-time. She also changed jobs fairly often.  I think in an ideal world, she would have preferred to be a SAHM. My dad, wanted a lifestyle that could be afforded by two working parents and didn't have the same job opportunities as my mom.  I'm not talking extravagant, but buying a house and not everyone having to share a room.  It didn't help that he was a contractor so in good times he made good money but could also be unemployed very easily in a downturn.  I think one of the PP mentioned in counseling they had to come up with each of their lists of goals and discuss them together.  Maybe I'm being naive but I don't think my parents ever did something like that and came to a compromise.  My mom could have kept the job paying $50,000 longer, maybe 3 years and that go towards building up a savings and they could have worked out a solution of what to do if one of the kids got sick and had to come home early (this was my mom's rationale for quitting and taking a job 15 minutes away that paid half). My dad could have agreed to renting  longer or move to a smaller house where the kids had to share a room but my mom would have more flexibility with jobs.

If you and Dh can't come to some sort of communication and compromise together I would suggest counseling.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't get the higher paying job with the current employer or look for an in-house legal counsel job.  But unless you are content and accept that you will have to do everything , bring in all the money, work the hours you need to, do all the childcare, and basically be a married single mother AND hope DH doesn't spend your savings on a get rich scheme... for the rest of your life it is a matter a time before it all falls apart.  Once you get too far down that road of resentment, it is hard to stay in love with the person and be able to turn things around.  I've always thought the best thing to do if you are staying for the kids is to work on your marriage and strengthen that foundation for the kids.[/quote]

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