Reply to My Daughter Has Her Own Version of Reality

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[quote=Anonymous]Admittedly I have not read every post, but I wanted to weigh in. My DD 11 started changing reality to suit her needs and position. My initial response was anger (my exDH did that), then after becoming more reflective I tried a different approach.

I started having sit down one on one conversations after she calmed down. I implemented consequences until she could talk calmly. She would attempt to placate me with an apology and feigned accountability. Insisting on talking through what went wrong was met with tears and more anger. Just last week we finally had a breakthrough (almost a year into this process), she admitted that owning up to being wrong makes her feel "weak" and not getting the last word makes her "very angry". I cried.

During our talks I focused on probing questions, trying to get her to reflect on her choices and how those choices contributed to the outcome.  The real key for me was remaining calm (not always easy) so she wouldn't get the fight she seemed to be looking for. I'm definitely not a therapist, but I tried to maintain that therapist-like tone and demeanor. I am hopeful now of her future relationships, I no longer feel that she is doomed.

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