Reply to In defense of the low-sex-drive partner

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "In defense of the low-sex-drive partner"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see your point pp (don't necessarily agree though), but I would contend that it's not even as simple as something like one partner wants kids and the other doesn't. It seems more like they both agree and [b]one changes their mind a few years into the marriage. [/b]Most of these stories of low drive spouses don't start off as mismatched couples. They seem to start off on the same page, then [b]one partner changes their mind. Kind of like bait and switch.[/b] [/quote]

NP here.  I am now entirely convinced that not only do you not grasp analogy, but that you have not been married for a long time (15+ years).

You are most likely a male -- thought some females do use the "bait/switch" terminology.

[/quote]

Sorry to burst your bubble. You're wrong on all counts. [/quote]

There's no point arguing with someone who frames this as "changing their mind." Like you decided one thing, then decided the opposite. If someone thinks that's all it is--and you could just change your mind back, except you don't want to-- then you might be better off divorced, because this person is not mature enough to handle a long term relationship which will have ups and downs. (That's why they are mentioned so prominently in the marriage vows--better or worse, sickness and in health, richer or poorer....). If they think you're a bad spouse for having less frequent sex after 10 years, this is not a person you want to count on when the real shit happens. [/quote]

Ok, changes their mindset. Changes their attitude toward sex. Changes their perception about sex. If it's a psychological issue, is that not what's happening? Good sex doesn't just happen to lucky people. You have to work at it to keep it good. When a partner doesn't want to put in that effort anymore, how else would you phrase it? I wasn't intending to get hung up on semantics but really, isn't the issue that they've changed how much value they place on sex?

I also wonder about spouses who won't put any effort into sex. Will they put effort into the marriage when the real shit happens when they can't even put effort into the marriage bed?

And again, we're not talking about a little less sex, which is natural. We're talkig about significant declines over time. [/quote

Depends on what you mean by "significant declines."  1x/week is perfectly average and normal for a married couple, so if you're labeling that as "not putting any effort into sex" then I think you are off base.  If what you want is to go from 1x/week to every day - well that is more than "effort". I don't really know what you mean by "value placed on sex."  How much you want to have sex is not really a values-based phenomenon. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics