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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op don't say anything.  It's not your place.  I do think it's sad you married into this type of family and that you allow them around your children.  Honestly I would have zero to do with them as I can see myself cursing them out over their stupidity.  I'm sure they smile in your face all while calling you the N word behind your back.[/quote]

OP here:  I think you've gone a bit far here.  I am pretty confident that DH's family does not use the N-word.  They are racially ignorant and definitely behind the times, but not hateful.  I am not sad I married into the family because DH is worth it.  The easy thing to do for my ego would be to take an unyielding stand and split the family up, but family is all we have in this world.  I am not going to cut off the parents who raised the man I love and break both their hearts and his in the process unless I really have to.  If they do not learn to bite their tongue before my children are old enough to understand, then they will be getting their walking papers.  For now, I am willing to work with them, as annoying as that is.[/quote]

OP, you need to stop! You're overthinking your in laws. I am almost the mirror image of your situation, only DH is the one with the higher degrees and earnings. We are college sweethearts. DH is accomplished, well read, handsome and he adores me. My brother in laws married a latino as well. My FIL not my MIL made all kinds of comments about people of different races, mostly based from a lack of exposure and ignorance. Before my DH and I got married, I asked if his parents would have issues accepting me, his response was that he was his own man and made his own decisions it was up to them how they felt. It never bothered me they made comments here and there. Sometimes people are just prejudiced if not racist. I see them as flawed humans as I am. The accepted our kids right away because they're at awe of their son.

Fast forward 20 years, I get all kinds of compliments for the way our kids is turning out. Academic honors, athletic recognitions, multi-langualism, and kid they consider to gifted in the looks department. The send pictures and letters of accomplishments to distant relative far and wide. My FIL said to more than a decade into our marriage I turned out to be the best of his daughters in-law and he was proud of how his grandchildren were turning out. A staunch conservative, he even voted for Obama as node( I am oversimplifying this) to his grand children.

As a result, my children adores him. He still slips and says stupid thing here and there, sometimes around my children, but my DC's are well traveled and well read and,sophisticated. They understand human frailties, including their grandfather's. But he is also the one who patiently built a tree house with them, who will go for long walks and tell them stories of his youth and help them to connect the past to the present. He adores them and they can feel it. At the end of the day they chose to see him as a glass half full. I don't need to protect my children from him.

OP, you said your in-laws did their best raising your DH, they're loving to him and their grandkids. Obviously they're flawed, but you sound elitist and contradictive. You don't owe it to say anything negative to your SIL's boyfriend about her parents other than they have old fashioned views and it takes time for them to adjust to unexpected changes. Both you and your in-laws have elitist views towards one another. I would get over it for the sake of the kids so their world could expand.[/quote]

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