Reply to Carolyn Hax column: MIL doesn't understand why DIL is upset

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a MIL multiple times, I can say this as fact, no matter what, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't so it's best to don't because the snotty rude bitches called DIL will hold a grudge.

It's best not to form ties with those she devils. Be polite and when they do ask for help just say no. I give my daughter and her kids all the attention now and mail the other kids a gift. I seriously bend over backwards for my daughter and have a very tight relationship with her kids. I make it happen. I tell my son in law I love him like he's my own. I treat him like a King, ALL for my daughter. I make their lives easy. As easy as possible.

I'll go so far as to say I love them more than the other ones. It didn't have to be this way but it is.

When the DIL's kids get older and seek me out, I will tell them why their mother was on medication and how rude she treated Grandma. I will also explain to each one in a letter why we didn't leave them anything when we passed and how their mother helped in that decision. My sons will see my daughter and her kids get the spoils we worked for. The boys can thank their wives for that. DILs ? You think you keep your husbands away but you are wrong. They call when you aren't around. And boy do your husbands bad mouth you. Mom will always be HIS best friend. HA HA.

Actions have consequences. So go ahead and laugh, go ahead and be nasty, go ahead and play alpha bitch. We MILs will have OUR day ! [/quote]

You sound a lot like my father's mother. I never sought her out, though, because why would I chase someone who never made an effort toward me (not my parents, but me) when I was a child? She also didn't leave anything to my father or me when she died, and it just reinforced my belief that I'm better off not having known someone that petty and spiteful.

I'm sure you'll write me off as one of "those" DILs, but I actually have a wonderful relationship with my MIL. She's always welcome in our home, joins us for lots of family events, sees her grandkids all the time, sometimes we even hang out without my DH or the kids.[/quote]

My grandmother was like this, too.  She was a nasty, mean piece of work who was cruel to my mother (who actually was her daughter, not DIL, but her least favorite of her 3 daughters and 3 sons).  She totally was a smarmy suck-up to my handsome dad but treated my mom like dirt.  And of her 15 grandchildren, she treated me and my siblings like dirt, too.  She had framed pictures of all her children's families except ours; school photos of all of her other grandkids, but not us.  We visited her in Florida a handful of times before she died and hated every minute of it.  When she died, I didn't shed a tear.

The funny thing is that I'm now close friends with some first cousins who she did favor and their memories are not much better than ours - she was still a nasty, horrible person, but she spoiled them with gifts and attention they didn't want, and she was inflicted on them more.  We laugh at her evilness now, and we try to one-up each other with stories about our evil Nanny, the crazy things she'd say, the awful things she did.  She is neither mourned nor missed by any of us.  Even as little kids we could see what a bad character she was.  [/quote]

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