Reply to Low-sex marriages - why does this happen?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the "Ultimatums DO work" poster, responding to some questions:

[quote=Anonymous]Interesting.  How did she increase her desire?  I ask because my husband simply won't get hard.   As a woman it may be physically easier for her to have sex without being highly arounsed.  I would have to not just give an ultimatum but somehow increase his desire too.  Usually when I've talked to him about sex he says I stress him out and he is no longer able to perform.  [/quote]

Her desire didn't ever really increase. However she is now able/willing to "play along" (in a very convincing fashion) a couple times per week. Does your H know how to operate a sex toy for your benefit? Teach him.

[quote=Anonymous]Did she cry and resist, or remain in denial for a period of time?  Is she really into now, or just going through the motions? If a genuinely interested participant, what changed?[/quote]

It definitely was NOT an overnight fix. Took many weeks even months to stabilize. She's not just going through the motions, or if so, then I can't really tell. She is highly "interested" in a happy marriage and meeting my legitimate needs. What changed is she realized that she would lose an otherwise pretty decent marriage over her inability (or unwillingness) to meet a very reasonable and completely normal need for sex. And that I likewise meet some of her non-sexual needs even if I don't entirely share that same need equally. Oh and the sex isn't really ever "bad" even when it's not her own idea to do it. Helps that I'm a pretty generous lover.
[/quote]

For whatever reason this really creeps me out.  DW might be faking everything or "playing along" convincingly just to get him to stay - and he's totally OK with that.  Ugh, I feel like I need to go shower.[/quote]

She is making the choice to stay in the marriage and meet her husbands demands. He was honest with her, and the rest was up to her. This is what she chose. Hopefully she is happy with her choice. What is the alternative for either of them. For her, divorce or she is cheated on, for him divorce or he cheats. A marriage without sex due to a partner withholding is so incredibly damaging. If you haven't lived it, you can't understand. I have, my DH lost interest in sex, so I do know. Things are on the mend for us after me threatening to leave, but a lot of damage was done.

Also, if it matters, I am a DW.[/quote]

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