Reply to Complicated Issue: Best Way to Blend this Unique Family????

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Reply to "Complicated Issue: Best Way to Blend this Unique Family????"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP:

Don't you think that this man's children should be prioritized in this situation?  He's not thinking clearly, but YOU are not whipsawed by grief, so perhaps you should think about what would be best for his girls?  How do you think he will feel about you, years from now, when he realizes that he harmed his relationship with his girls by moving ahead too quickly with you?

1.  You acknowledge that his girls, who are grieving their not-long-dead mom, are disturbed by the situation.  You wrote (about this man's daughters) that "they're not terribly excited about another woman entering the picture--much less the home."  Yet you don't care. You want what you want, and you're not bothered by the way this may harm vulnerable young girls who are grieving their dead mother.

2.  You acknowledge that your ideal situation would be that in which his girls all move out: You wrote: "Having all 3 away at college would be ideal."  I pity these girls.  They will never feel comfortable coming home for Thanksgiving or any other holiday.

3. You HOPE that your presence will make his girls too uncomfortable to return often to their home: you wrote: "...like most college students they may become so absorbed with their own lives that they really won't care what their father and I do. Or who knows, having a stepmother move in may make dorm living look really good."

4.  You don't care about these girls.  You want them gone so that you can move in and take over their dead mother's home.

5.  The girls can perceive your feelings about them.  They sense that you don't want them.

6.  Some women could turn into a caring, supportive friend for these children.  You, however, are going to cause them a lot of hurt.  
	
[/quote]

Please see my response at 13:16. I think your post deserves its own response but my 13:16 point pretty much addresses your points.

And please stop with the sanctimonious BS. There isn't a single parent alive with children heading off to college who aren't thrilled for the opportunity to date, love freely and kick their romantic pursuits up a notch. [b][b]That is entirely different from hoping that your presence as a step-mother will make his children uncomfortable enough that they prefer the dorms to coming home during holidays[/b]  [b]Do you think their mom also hoped they wouldn't come visit very often?[/b].  [b]He was looking forward to the empty nest as a married man[/b].  [b]Exactly.  His situation changed recently, from married man to new widower[/b].   [b]It has nothing to do with wanting [b]his[/b] kids out of the way, as I included my own DS in that count. (3 kids includes mine.)[/b] [b]Oh, OK, so you were also hoping that your DS would not feel comfortable coming home from the dorms very often.  Again, that is very different from hoping that your stepchildren find the presence of a stepmother enough to render the dorms preferable to visiting home.[/b]  [b]I think we're lucky to blend our family[/b] [b]Well, isn't that nice that you think this.  You admitted that his girls don't think so, so I guess we've established that your wants and desires trump theirs[/b] at the time that they're ALL OFF AT COLLEGE and we can focus on US!!!!![/quote][/quote]

Ummm...Your reading comprehension skills leave much to be desired.

At no point did I ever say I hope they don't want to come home for the holidays.

Perhaps you should reread the post.

Then you should probably get out of your feelings about a situation you know very little about.

You cannot gauge the needs, wants, grief of this family without having met even one of them. You.Just.Can't.[/quote]

My reading comprehension is fine.  You wrote: "...like most college students they may become so absorbed with their own lives that they really won't care what their father and I do. Or who knows, having a stepmother move in may make dorm living look really good."   [/quote]

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