Reply to Lack of trust after sexual assault

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[quote=Anonymous]Seems to me the OP's husband's problem is insecurity. I'm not saying that to bag on him. It's a common emotion, though the severity varies.

Why don't we do this to cancer survivors or robbery victims? Because cancer and robbery are not intertwined with feelings of self worth. Whether your spouse loves and desires you most of all is very intertwined with feelings of self-worth. That's why you see such minute attention to the volition of the victim in these cases. If everything was entirely involuntary, then the spouse can minimize feelings of inadequacy. If the victim liked the initial attention (even if not the ultimate result), then there are still going to be feelings of betrayal.

If OP's spouse can get it through his head that his wife being drugged and raped isn't about him at all, maybe he can stop being an asshole about this particular situation. But, long-term, he needs to get his insecurity under control and understand that his wife does love and desire him most of all. (Or, if she doesn't, that's another issue - and he'll have to learn to be ok with that or break things off for that reason - and *not* because his wife was victimized.) [/quote]

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