Reply to Lack of trust after sexual assault

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have you asked your husband to explain why he has trust issues? I'm confused. It can't be because you were raped. It must be related to the situation (drinking with coworkers, accepting a drink from another man). I'm not blaming the OP. Rather, I'm trying to figure out what the DH's real deal is.

If it were me, this is what I'd do:

"Joe, something you said upset me. When you said you have trust issues with me since I was raped, it really hurt. I can't imagine that you think I prompted the rape or deserved it or enjoyed it, so I'm confused why you would say that. I'm still trying to deal with all of this, and I really need your love and support now more than ever."

Then see what he says.

My guess is that on some level he is angry at you for putting yourself in the situation by accepting a drink from another man...which is something that would bother most men, right? I think that's what he's focusing on. [/quote]

I have asked.  It is all about the surrounding circumstances - because I wasn't home with him, because I didn't / couldn't answer my phone, because I was out with others, because I accepted that drink, because I can't tell him exactly what happened (because I don't remember), because I declined the tox screen (since if I wasn't drugged than it would be different for him somehow than if I had been drugged).  Anyway - all those answers were given a long time ago.  I'm not sure he could even articulate fully now why he has trust issues.  Because I don't actually think it is that.  It's not blame really - what I said is that I have a hard time not hearing it as blame. [/quote]

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