Reply to I feel like my husband just doesn't like being a dad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean, he likes it in theory. He likes to post FB photos and it all looks very sunny and cheery. But he complains endlessly every.single.time they have a game or practice or event that he has to go to. 
We have 3 kids. So yeah, it's busy. We both work and we have a full time nanny and part time housekeeper. So we have it better than most people from a labor perspective. We have a handyman, a lawn care company, a Saturday night sitter.  But he is endlessly complaining about how little free time he has. He works out for 90 minutes four days a week and he plays two hours of tennis weekly. And we go out with friends two or three times month. He works a very demanding job.

Honestly, I think this is the best he can hope for. But it's still not enough. He wants more downtime. 
I could, I guess, take over all Saturday activities by driving around all day, having the kids attend the siblings' games, relying on friends to carpool. So he could, I guess, get Saturdays off. But this seems so messed up - a dad that goes to no games? 
I want an enthusiastic dad for them SO badly.
When I see the dads that even COACH, I just want to cry. I would have never predicted that he would be this way. [/quote]

I think letting him be the dad he wants to be is the best path to take here. Not everyone is the never-miss-a-game parent. My dad, whom I love dearly, was in no way a traditional parent. Zero caregiving. But, he gave great advice and always made me feel special. My mother raised us.

Find something special that he and the kids can do----maybe making pancakes every Sunday?----something to build a tradition around. Then, when he misses a game or whatnot, the kids don't feel abandoned. There are other ways for him to be available to his children.

My favorite quote from The Wiz is the advice Dorothy got when she first arrived in Oz: "Count your blessings; cut your losses; and, follow the Yellow Brick Road!"

You have an idea of what a "good dad" looks like. Can you let go of that and refashion the demands so that everyone feels supported? Did you mention having a 10yo? Maybe video games would provide that bonding time, while also serving as leisure? I don't know, but the expectations now are not being met, so everything feels like failure. I would have no expectation re sports events. It would never occur to me to have him coach a team with a demanding job. But I would chafe at the idea of no storytime or bedtime chats.

We all carry our own notion of what "good parenting" looks like. Time to re-examine yours.

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