Reply to DH wants to vacation with family. I don't.

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, can you clarify a few things?

When you say "vacation with" do you mean going on a vacation with his family to a location where neither of you live? Or do you mean visiting them at their home?

I assume you are visiting them at their home. When you are married to someone who has family in a different city, you should expect to spend several days per year visiting them. Either a few short trips or one longer trip. But you have their son, grandkids, nieces, nephews, cousins. Don't come between these important relationships. They should come visit you occasionally, but not as a replacement for your visits. It is just more practical for your family to see everyone in one trip than for several families to come to you. That's just the way it is. Life's not fair.

Maybe you should consider going on a trip WITH his family instead (if that's not what you are already doing). My friend used to visit her DH's family every Thanksgiving. She hated it and was totally miserable. For instance, their tradition was to spend the entire day after Thanksgiving shopping for their real Christmas trees. Which would be fun if you were actually the one getting a tree! Flying at that time was also a hassle and expensive. So she suggested doing a family trip every summer instead at a location between their homes. They find somewhere that's within driving distance for both of them so nobody has to buy plane tickets. Everyone has a blast, she gets to have a say in the plans, and they stay in a hotel instead of a guest room. They plan it over a holiday weekend so that nobody has to use more than a day of vacation time.

Are these 15 people close relatives who you SHOULD be spending time with?

If these are DH's siblings and their families, you need to suck it up. When my brother and his family come to town (which is rare) I spend every minute I can with them. Because I miss them terribly and never know how long until I will see them again. But if it's DH's extended family, I think you can push for one big dinner per visit with the whole clan and be done with it. Your DH should tell his parents that this is what you guys want because it is just too exhausting and overwhelming to have constant chaos.

If you are an introvert, please know that most people are understanding about that. If they aren't, it's time they learn to be. My DH and my SIL (brother's wife) are introverts. So they don't participate in a lot of stuff. When we play board games, they go in another room to read or go outside or something. Nobody cares at all. we know that we are loud and obnoxious sometimes and understand why some people would prefer to stay away. My mom also plans a packed full agenda when they come to town. SIL opts out of many activities. She just says "I need some downtime so I will just stay here if that's ok." It's not an issue at all. But it would be an issue if she went along with the activities but pouted and acted miserable the whole time. she will also sometimes find something in town that she would like to go do on her own. Last time there was an exhibit at the art museum that she wanted to see. So she went and saw it on her own. No big deal. Sometimes she will go visit her friend that lives here.

You are the in law. They want to spend time with you, but care more about spending time with your husband and kids. They won't be heartbroken if you don't want to be at their side 24/7. [/quote]

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