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[quote=Anonymous]I think people use affairs as excuses for a lot of things. Leaving sla bad marriage. Hating a parent. Whatever. I wonder how many of these supposedly dysfunctional marriages that began as affairs would be exactly the same without that origin story. Like, the PPs who despise their parents for cheating, would you guys have the same amount of contempt and disappointment for family members who harmed the family in other ways (alcoholism, abuse, a dimple lack of warmth and affection)?

My mom had an affair when I was a kid. She and my dad didn't get divorced until several years later and I didn't learn about the affair itself until I was an adult. That information didn't changed feelings about either of my parents. If my mom hadn't cheated, they still would've been unhappily married. Learning about the affair clarified my father's anger and also the degree to which my mom put up with it during their divorce, but that was about it.

I think that it's hard for a lot of people to view affairs as relationships in their own right. Complicated, yes. Deceitful, yes. But relationships with their own dysfunctions. [/quote]

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