Reply to Need Help with My Mental Attitude Towards my DD

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Need Help with My Mental Attitude Towards my DD"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, kuddos to you for trying to figure out what's going on. A couple of things:

1. don't be so suspicious of her TV news interest. I was exactly like that. Remember Jones Town? Iran Hostage? I was 8-10 when both of those events happened and my parents could not drag me away from the TV. I'm now a documentary filmmaker. At about this time in development, kids start to understand the concept that bad things can and do happen. She's probably trying to grapple with that. For what it's worth, I'm an extremely empathetic person. Probably to a fault.

2. My husband, who is very smart, has ADHD and was not diagnosed until he was 52, probably because he was smart enough to do work arounds in school and thus fool his teachers. His mother still does not believe the diagnosis! Anyway, ADHD also looks very different in girls, and many teachers, given its higher prevalence in boys, are usually familiar with the more classic male symptoms. So just because teachers haven't said anything doesn't mean you shouldn't have her evaluated.

3. Often a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression means that you may start to see symptoms slightly earlier than the general population. Often that is pre-adolescence, as the hormones begin to change, especially in girls. So, I don't think you're being paranoid.

4. Please do not believe that you are either born creative or not. Such a load of crap!!! Creativity is expansive and is not just crafts; it's how you approach problem solving, how you interact with people, how you substitute one ingredient for another in a recipe. It requires effort and, most importantly, practice in the process of doing. So just begin small with something you know she has a kernel of interest in. How about taking her to the Newseum? And when you're there, notice what excites her. If it's gruesome, and she's not out back killing animals (!), explore some aspect of that. Just ask questions. I remember my dad asking me about Jonestown massacre, "How do you think he got those people to live in the jungle?" I don't think he meant it as a creative thinking exercise, but it was the first time I had ever really consciously wondered why people do the things they do. [b]Try to stop criticizing her and figure out a way to reach her on her terms.  [/b]

Good luck![/quote]

OP here. I lied, I can't stop checking this thread. Anyway, thank you for this, and especially for the last sentence. This is the kind of tough love I need to hear and I appreciate it. I do criticize her and I hate myself for it.  The PP who suggested I go to therapy for this, I hear you.  I've think both my DH and I need to do that b/c we're not approaching her on her terms and I don't want to damage her. I can already see the potential for it.  But again, it's hard to know when to encourage, when encouragement goes over the line to pushing, and when to hang back.

Also, not sure if I mentioned this above, while we likes to play basketball in our driveway, she's adamant that she doesn't want to play on a team. She does do soccer, willingly. :-)   I can't push her to do anything, to be honest, she's pretty stubborn.  I want to say that she has a lot of amazing qualities that I really admire. She knows her mind, is not afraid to challenge me, and loves loves loves playing with our dog (so no worries here that she's going to go in the alley and torture animals after seeing gruesome stuff at the newseum).  I guess it's just human nature to worry about the negative stuff and not prioritize the positive stuff.

[/quote]

OP--you also need to realize that you are not alone in finding some aspects of your kid's personality irritating.  PLEASE!!  I think most of us do.  The best advice I ever read on this front is to realize that almost all personality traits have a pro/con.  She's stubborn-- guess what, she knows her mind and her ability to stick to her plans may serve her well in life.   I think you should spend some time really thinking about her traits and what the positive aspects of them are.  Then VOICE them to her and reinforce the positive.  It will help her build confidence if you start telling her the positives.  I have one kid who is intense.  It's a pain in the butt a lot of the time, but I have come to realize the trick is to harness that intensity for goood. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics