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[quote=Anonymous]OP, the problem isn't what you make or that your wife wants to stay home. The problem is that your mortgage is too high on your income alone, and you want your wife to stay home for ten years. That's a long time to plan to supplement your income with savings, and rarely does life work out the way it should.

Look, I'm just going to be blunt. I'm a longterm/lifetime SAHM. I know that the vast majority of DCUM will gasp, but I've been home for 14 years since our son was born with special needs, making it impossible to have a two family income. It's been easier for us because we were poor to begin with, and as my husband's income increased over the years, we've adjusted accordingly.

You asked if households making 100k a year escaped to the exurbs, and the answer is YES. That's where middle class families traditionally live, and OP, you are middle class just like the rest of us. My husband nets about $9000 per month, and we are looking for homes in the $400-$500k price range because that is the financially responsible thing to do. His commute is definitely going to be longer, and we can't brag about being in a "walkable" area and close to the metro or casually strolling to the Smithosonian with our kids, but we don't have to worry about how to afford a family cell phone bill, don't have to cut cable, and don't have to stretch to visit our family once or twice a year on the west coast. 
If your kids are ten years away from high school, then it sounds like they are really young, and this is the time to move them to a new area in a less expensive house, so that they can become part of a new community and a new school cluster with minimal disruption to their lives.

You will not be able to maintain your current lifestyle without sacrificing something--whether it's your time, your money, your savings, or your home. If you absolutely must stay in your current neighborhood, then you might have to give up the luxury of home ownership and rent instead.

BTW, your cellphone plan is atrocious. Are you with Verizon? Dump them and get TMobile instead, you can all buy gently used smartphones on Swappa or Ebay, and you will pay for that in the difference in your bills after the first two months. If you are on AT&T, you can use the same phones, just get TMo sims. [/quote]

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