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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP that sucks. You probably won't get much support here [u]do to the dislike of the military on this board[/u]. Talk to your husband your feelings are valid.  I would be annoyed by his constant presence.  He sounds young not selfish but you need to communicate. When people offer to help give them specific tasks.[/quote]

Uh, no.  A lot of us are military or former military.  Nobody likes a whiner.

Also:  due to the dislike.  Not do to.[/quote]
Agree. We're retired military. I wish my ILs would have helped when they said they would when my husband was deployed for 15 months. I didn't expect them to clean the gutters or babysit - but there was one week I asked for their help and they said no.  They had "offered" many times - anytime you need something, let us know... I had never asked for their help before and when I finally did after my husband had been gone a year the answer was no.  I had to let it go. 
Fwiw, OP, your BIL probably had no idea how to help, or what you needed, and was probably uncomfortable for whatever reason. Learn that many people offer but few actually help outside those that have been through deployments and understand.[/quote]

But your expectation was that they were going to drop everything, change their plans and do whatever you needed, because you called and your gasp *husband was deployed*!

See that's were the entitlement comes in.  Sometimes people simply can't be available at the drop of a hat at the moment you are asking. It doesn't mean they don't want to help ever.

And to be honest, in 15 months times, you should have been able to figure out how to hire a sitter or service for whatever you needed help with.  It's what people do - deployed spouse or not.  It's not that hard.[/quote]
I did figure it out - and only asked for help once in 15 months. My infant was getting ear tubes and I need someone to watch the preschooler. I had to be at the hospital at 6 am, before any preschool is open. I asked weeks ahead of time if they could either spend the night or if he could spend the night with them. They said no. So I asked a friend, and he spent the night at her house.
The point is they offered several times that they would help. And they didn't. Don't offer if you don't mean it.
And it is *that* hard. Luckily I have friends that help each other out. If any of my friends or family was in the situation I was in, I would help. I've watched my friends kids overnight when they were having an additional child. It's what friends and family do for each other.[/quote]

If you asked one time and they said no that one time maybe they had a genuine conflict and couldn't help you on that particular occasion?  I'm confused because in other posts (assuming you are the Op) it sounds as though you asked BIL numerous times to help out and he said that he "probably" could but in the end did not come through...or maybe there is more than one poster here?  I'm losing track.[/quote]

Never mind.  I see it was a different situation - sorry, got confused.[/quote]

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