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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My SIL, who struggles financially, didn't have food at my niece's Bat Mitzvah.  We never thought poorly of her for this.  As best as I understood it, it was an important religious rite of passage and while a party is nice, it is not required.[/quote]

PP, good for your sister-in-law, who wisely chose not to go into debt or overextend her finances just to satisfy other people's expectations for something that is NOT a requirement -- just a faux "tradition" that people now seem to think is an absolute requirement. It's sad to see all the comments on here blasting the host family as "tacky" for not providing some huge shindig or a full meal.

The OP posted that he or she "understands" that the host family does not have financial issues, but that does not mean there aren't financial problems that are beneath the surface. And even if they're rolling in dough, why should they be expected to spend it in any particular way? Maybe they were paying for a trip for the boy as his big gift and put the money into that. Maybe they were putting money into his college account as his gift. Whatever. How the host family spends its money is up to them, not their guests. It's not shabby to have snacks and then a light breakfast the next day.

These comments are like those I've heard about small weddings or weddings with just a ceremony and a short "finger foods" reception (like the snacks at the bar mitzvah in question). With weddings, as well as bar and bat mitzvahs, even retirement parties I've been to, some people bitch about how there should have been a full meal, an open bar, whatever they swear is "the done thing." The real complaint is "I wanted a big, fancy and free party," not "I came to celebrate the person at the center of this important life event." Everyone's getting conditioned to expect people to have blowouts for big milestones, and feels offended if the people actually having the milestone cannot afford or do not want to provide a massive party or full sit-down meal.[/quote]

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