Reply to If your spouse has become a 'roommate' and you are just friends...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I talked to my husband. It came across pretty horribly but it's been said. I basically said that I love him but I'm not in love with him and that I am really unhappy. I said things like "this can't be a surprise" and that we need to speak to each other nicer and a bunch of other things. I told him that I have been feeling this way for awhile. I don't know what will come of our relationship but maybe if we take baby steps and are flat out nicer to each other and don't take for granted that we'll just stick by when things are the way they are... that we can reconnect. I plan to focus on me more. Stress reducers, healthier eating, going out with friends more - so that I don't feel so lost.[/quote]

Wow OP that must have been a rough conversation. [b]I would think though if you are trying to save the marriage that's not the best time to "focus on me more." if you are looking to get out and have a a softer landing then ffocusing on yourself is probably good. [/b] Did he at least act like he wants things to change?[/quote]

different PP here.  this is not true.  my individual therapist has encouraged me to work on ME, and find things that satisfy me outside of the marriage (closer friendships, artistic endeavors, religious activities, whatever interests me) so that i am a truly rounded person that may be able to have a different perspective on my spouse.  i call it diversifying my life.  it is important to not put all eggs in one basket.

but yes, OP, would love to hear an update on how you are doing.  my heart goes out to you.[/quote]

Not saying it will happen in your case, but I have had friends with therapists who suggested that and all those  friends ended divorcing. Not saying there is causality there, and perhaps the advice was taken to the extreme. I would think figuring out what  is wrong with the relationship identifying your part in that, and focusing on fixing that would be more beneficial to salvaging than taking up macrame and adding a weekly girls night out[/quote]

The point is that people tend to overly depend on getting everything from their spouse, and you will always be disappointed because one person can not give you everything.[/quote]

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