Reply to DS (21) Refused to go to grandmother's funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He is 21. He is an adult. A responsible one at that it seems since he's got a job and seems to be taking care of himself...? Either way, it is his choice. Not only do you have no say in his decision, you should also stop assuming you still get to tell him what to do. If he doesn't want to go to a funeral, he doesn't go. His reasons are his and his only. Don't judge. You can let him know that you are disappointed. You can let him know you missed him there. That you are sad. Whatever you are feeling, you can tell him. I think you should. But get over [b]"I'm your Mom, I told you to go so I expect you to go." [/b]That is over.[/quote]

Where in the OP's post does she imply that she thinks she has a "say" in this decision?  She is upset that her son chose to skip her mother's funeral.  And I don't blame her one bit, frankly.  And yes, I would judge that.  Actions have consequences.  If he doesn't want to go, fine, it's his decision… [b]but he also needs to accept that a lot of people, including his mother, will think it's a shitty thing to do. [/b] [/quote]

No. Actually he doesn't. He needs to tolerate it, sure. But accept it? No. Nobody has the right to judge his decision. The fact that people still do is sad. People always judge, I have to expect that. Tolerate that. But accepting it means accepting that they have a reason to think that way. And that's just not true.[/quote]

I have the right to judge anything I want to judge.  What does this even mean?  Sorry, but I don't go through life thinking that everyone can do whatever they want whenever they want, other people's feelings be damned.  I actually think that the feelings of the people I love are important.  If the OP's son had a more compelling reason than "I can't get off of work" (which, frankly, is a pretty dubious assertion), I would feel differently.  Or even if he owned the decision rather than blaming his boss, I would have more respect for it.   But he didn't.  So yes, I have " a reason to think that way."  You might not agree with it and that's certainly your prerogative. The idea that no one should judge any behavior, ever, is adolescent thinking.  [/quote]

Besides being judged, what are the negative consequences for the son's behavior? :?: [/quote]

NP here.  I would think less of him as a person.  I would assume he is selfish, uncaring, and inconsiderate.  Those are pretty real consequences.[/quote]

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