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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I was "sort of" abused too.  Like the pp's said, and you now realize,  it stays with you for a long time.  When I talked to a therapist about it, she told me that sometimes dredging up the memories and details and everything can be just as traumatic as the initial incident.  And its important to deal with how you're feeling now rather than try to remember everything.

With that backdrop, I made the decision to be helicopter parent whenever we were around the perp rather than confront and rehash something that happened years and years ago.  I honestly was practically attached to my children when we had family functions.  I would be in the "playroom" with all the children - cousins, follow my kids outside if they wanted to play with their cousins outside, and just tag team with my DH (he knew all about it and was supportive of the plan).  It changed the dynamics of what I considered a holiday visit.  It no longer became us catching up with the family, visiting with aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.  It became about my kids getting to know their cousins while I was right there in the same room.  Once I changed my perspective (never looking at Christmas as me visiting my family - but me being around my kids 24/7) it became a little easier, but it was still pretty hard.

Eventually, we saw them less and less and my kids got older and older.  But, I blamed any comments or opinions on "this is what I want to do." and "No thanks, I'll just stay here."

Good luck.  Navigating this is very difficult.[/quote]

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