Reply to S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

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Reply to "S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was responding to specific posts, on any of the however many threads that are active about this topic right now, that specifically say that people (usually wives) should have sex more often than they want to and put their partner's need to have sex over their desire not to do that. I cannot get past the coercive nature of this. I have been in this situation, and I often felt pressured or coerced. I do not ever want to feel that way again. There are also specific posts saying that sex is a thing that is "owed" - not that sex is a crucial part of a healthy marriage, but that it is a thing that is owed in a particular quantity, and that a spouse who is unwilling to provide the sex in the quantity required is being selfish. I cannot get past the manipulation there either. There are other ways to frame these ideas than the language of coercion and manipulation. Posters on this topic on DCUM today have chosen the language of coercion and manipulation willfully and repeatedly. I don't know if any of them are you or not.[/quote]

To be honest- I think you're projecting a lot of your history on this.  I think most people would agree that a low libido spouse shouldn't be coerced into having sex.  I know that I don't want "obligation sex" or some half-hearted handy.  I want passion and intimacy WITH my spouse.  But when a low libido spouse refuses to be intimate and refuses to take any steps to improve the situation, they are effectively coercing their partner into a life of celibacy.  I'm not sure how you can reconcile that one is fine and the other is coercive and manipulative.  The only difference is that one scenario fits what YOU want.  [/quote]

I didn't say that one was fine at all. I don't think either is "fine." I do think that the coercion that involves someone putting their penis inside someone who does not really want that is worse than rejecting sex. I don't think it's got as much to do with my "history" as it does with my belief that the only person who gets to decide when I have sex is me. They are different things to me. You can agree with me or not. I'm not married to you, so it doesn't really matter to me.[/quote]

So emotional manipulation/coercion is better than physical manipulation/coercion?

Yes, physically forcing sex on someone who is unwilling is rape.

But there is also something insidiously cruel, chilling and harmful in withholding/ denying affection to the person you have "vowed" to give affection and love to.

The idea of a partnership is that the people involved pool resources in order to meet each other's needs.[/quote]

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