Reply to S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

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Reply to "S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was responding to specific posts, on any of the however many threads that are active about this topic right now, that specifically say that people (usually wives) should have sex more often than they want to and put their partner's need to have sex over their desire not to do that. I cannot get past the coercive nature of this. I have been in this situation, and I often felt pressured or coerced. I do not ever want to feel that way again. There are also specific posts saying that sex is a thing that is "owed" - not that sex is a crucial part of a healthy marriage, but that it is a thing that is owed in a particular quantity, and that a spouse who is unwilling to provide the sex in the quantity required is being selfish. I cannot get past the manipulation there either. There are other ways to frame these ideas than the language of coercion and manipulation. Posters on this topic on DCUM today have chosen the language of coercion and manipulation willfully and repeatedly. I don't know if any of them are you or not.[/quote]

To be honest- I think you're projecting a lot of your history on this.  I think most people would agree that a low libido spouse shouldn't be coerced into having sex.  I know that I don't want "obligation sex" or some half-hearted handy.  I want passion and intimacy WITH my spouse.  [b]But when a low libido spouse refuses to be intimate and refuses to take any steps to improve the situation, they are effectively coercing their partner into a life of celibacy.  I'm not sure how you can reconcile that one is fine and the other is coercive and manipulative.  The only difference is that one scenario fits what YOU want.[/b] [/quote]

Exactly. Thank you for saying this. I am hearing a lot of women protesting that they do not want to have "coerced and obligatory sex" with their DH, but the truth is that there are many sexual women in sexless marriages also - and being sexually rejected by their husbands  is equally devastating to them.  In fact, the unspoken societal bias is that these women are some kind of sex-starved nymphomaniacs for wanting sex with their spouses.  As I have said in a previous post not everyone has the same libido in any given period in a marriage.  My sexual needs are probably more than my DH, and we have been honest with each other about it.  As a result, he and I, both have made whole hearted attempts to meet my needs in creative ways.  But, if a partner is not willing to communicate about it or even contemplate how to resolve the issue,  it is absurd and sadistic of them to expect sexual fidelity from their  partner who is being coerced into celibacy.  Sex is a normal need in a healthy human being, SO, why is a sexually healthy human being asked to curb his/her appetite when he/she is not the one suffering from sexual disfunction?

-DW in a happy and sexually fulfilling marriage[/quote]

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