Reply to S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

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Reply to "S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm the person you quoted/replied to:

[quote=Anonymous]
1. I was responding to specific posts, on any of the however many threads that are active about this topic right now, that specifically say that people (usually wives) should have sex more often than they want to and put their partner's need to have sex over their desire not to do that. I cannot get past the coercive nature of this. I have been in this situation, and I often felt pressured or coerced. I do not ever want to feel that way again. There are also specific posts saying that sex is a thing that is "owed" - not that sex is a crucial part of a healthy marriage, but that it is a thing that is owed in a particular quantity, and that a spouse who is unwilling to provide the sex in the quantity required is being selfish. I cannot get past the manipulation there either. There are other ways to frame these ideas than the language of coercion and manipulation. Posters on this topic on DCUM today have chosen the language of coercion and manipulation willfully and repeatedly. I don't know if any of them are you or not.[/quote]

They are not me, which is, I thought, pretty evident in my post: I don't want to have sex with someone who isn't into having it.  Period.  Regardless of the frequency.  I never said anyone was entitled to have another person or pressure/coerce them when they didn't feel like it.

[quote=Anonymous]2. Yes, you can seek your sexual pleasure elsewhere in the name of body autonomy. I am entitled to decide that I do not want to be married to someone who has sex with other people, regardless of whether I am having sex with him as often or as enthusiastically as he would prefer.[/quote]

I think that's fine: end the relationship.

[quote=Anonymous]3. The concept of being "entitled to passionate intimacy" is also hard for me to reconcile because "passionate intimacy" involves more than one person and I do not believe that anyone is entitled to the body of another. The language of entitlement (which is expressed often on this site in various ways) is problematic for me on a number of levels. You're not entitled to someone else's body. You're entitled to seek happiness in whatever manner pleases you, just like anyone else. If your search for happiness is not compatible with your spouse, I think it's best to divorce.[/quote]

Oh, fine..this is nit-picky pedantry to side step the point.  I should have said "entitled to the pursuit of passionate intimacy".  Better?  Can you now accept/admit that it's just as unfair for a low libido partner to have a veto over the high libido partner as it is for the HL to coerce/guilt/pressure the LL into having sex?

And I think you're substantially wrong about the majority of this being men badgering women who are already up for sex a couple of times a week.  I think it's more men and women who are going months - single digits per year - between encounters with their spouses.  [/quote]

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