Reply to S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

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Reply to "S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The unilateral decision of celibacy isn't a huge lie? [/quote]

No.  it's not hidden.  a spouse cannot ignore having sex with you and deceive you that they're not having sex with you.  You have a full  information to make a decision about what's best for you.[/quote]

I disagree.  Its pretty rare for the low libido spouse to say BEFORE marriage that after 10 years, they will lose all interest in physical intimacy.  Very few higher libido spouses would agree to such an arrangement.  At a minimum, its a bait-and-switch but my sexless marriage feels like a lie to me.  What about her promises to change, the week of improvement followed by months of backsliding- that sure feels like empty promises and lies as well.

You're making excuses for one spouse ignoring a key foundation to healthy relationship.  It is selfish, cruel, and you won't change the minds of the men and women in similar situations.  [/quote]

After 10 years, you know your spouse is NOT having sex with you.  You know you've tried.  You have that information fully in front of you to decide if a. you're going to live like that b.  you're going to get it somewhere else c. you're going to leave.

I don't see how that is the same for your spouse who doesn't get the choice of whether they want to be married to you under these circumstances, so they can act in their best interest.

That's why you do it in secret.  if your spouse got a vote, they may a.  Insist you stop and return to the horribleness you wanted to avoid in the first place b.  leave. If it's c.  Go ahead and see whomever, you don't need to do it in secret do you?

I'm not blaming anyone. I wouldn't expect, for instance, to continue investing in a business deal, where the principals agreed to one thing but didn't follow through or lied to get me to agree to it.  On the other hand, I would probably leave a business deal where the principals hid material facts that affected sound decision making on an ongoing basis.

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