Reply to DH sobered up, I'm contemplating an EA, advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH, after several years battling alcoholism, has been sober for just over 10 months now, and good for him.  However, the physical and emotional neglect of the past few years has continued into DH's sobriety.  I have just started Al Anon and DH is receptive to marriage counseling, which gives me confidence or at least hope that the emotional aspect of our marriage will be addressed (or at least there will be an attempt).

That leaves the physical part.  Here is where I feel most betrayed by DH's drinking and am worried that counseling will fail.  I'm pretty sure DH never cheated (obviously I can't know), but the lying about how much and when DH was drinking ("only two drinks"), the sneaking around, and the physical danger feels very much like he did (worse in some ways).  I feel violated. Had DH shown some interest in me after quitting this feeling would have subsided (I think), but there has been nothing.

I'm so angry about this specifically and the entire thing generally that I've been contemplating an EA.  So much so that I've got a target (former colleauge out of town, love each other's company each time we get together, married but I think he's interested and has a place).  I'm at fault myself on this score some, but its not close to 50/50.  Also, I have to admit there is a small element of "revenge" at play. But mostly, it's a need that also of course has feedback into our emotional relationship. It's just been so...draining, and empty.  And DH is not giving me any hope on this side of the relationship.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially with a recovering DH or DW (doesn't necessarily have to be alcohol)?  Did you stray or take steps in that direction?  If so, how did you feel afterward?  Did it help?  If so, how?  If faithful, what's kept you going and helped you stay faithful?  I feel like I'm at a tipping point and real life examples will help, or at least inform and give food for thought.  [/quote]

There is more than a "small" element of revenge here.[/quote]

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