Reply to SAHMs: how do you balance time alone versus spouse's time alone

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[quote=Anonymous]NP here, and I haven't read all the posts, but I'm also a SAHM, and I completely understand the family dynamic.  Yes, "family time" is important, but so is time to yourself.  A lot of it depends on what you prefer as an individual and what you need to recharge.

I personally need time to myself and/or with other adult friends after a long day with my toddler.  I think the OP seems totally normal in this regard.

What does your DH want to do and when?  I think your schedule right now seems very fair.  You're splitting everything as much as you can, and you seem pretty low-key about it.  I don't think DH "deserves" more time or is being short-changed on the alone time he gets based on the schedule you gave.

But if he specifically wants to go out with a friend or work on a project and has some specific times he wants to do that, it's fair to consider it just for the sake of making everyone happy.  I don't think it's fair to just carte blanche give him more "me time" at the expense of your "me time."  If that's what he wants, then it's time to hire a babysitter for that time.

If he wants to work on a personal hobby or something and requests a few extra hours one weekend or even wants a whole weekend to do this, that's fine -- if it's okay with you, and if you get your own weekend in the future, should you desire it.  It's just what works best for all of you.

I do think that finding some time to be with DH alone might be nice, but I also understand that this is really hard and sometimes not a priority.  For us, the struggle is that it's a priority for my DH but not always for me -- after being "social" all day with my toddler and sometimes playdates, I really want alone time in the evenings, and he wants to hang out.  But it doesn't sound like you have this conflict.[/quote]

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