Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think "porn addiction" is, like "sex addiction" a completely made up pile of BS pushed by people who want to pathologize things they don't like.

The substance abuse, and the other poor impulse control stuff you cite, could all be related to the ADD - attempts to self-medicate and classic behavior due to ADD.

I'd seriously - very seriously - question a therapist, who based on your description alone - would hint at a diagnosis.  That seems to me (not a professional) to border on malpractice.

All that said: I was engaged to a woman with BPD.  I ultimately fled (literally) what was an abusive relationship.  From everything I now understand about this diagnosis, the prognosis is very poor - yes, for a small number of pts., who aren't severe sufferers and are willing to recognize they need to work on it, there is some success with DBT.

What I am struck by in your post is the degree to which your husband is pathologized.  That's not necessary for you to decide "I've had enough".  And even if your husband had a diagnosis, you would still be stuck with learning to accept (tolerate without being miserable) living with those behaviors.

It sounds to me a little bit like you're looking for validation or an excuse to do what you've already decided you want to do: leave him.  Just do it.  You don't need an excuse.  Yes, he may very well be hurt.  Suck it up and take your guilt lumps.

- signed, someone who left a BPD (who lost her shit for about oh 2 weeks, then hooked  the next guy).[/quote]

OP here- WOW this thread being bumped back up is SO timely. My husband has in the meantime been definitively diagnosed with BPD by his psychiatrist. I left him just before, when he had another and FINAL rage outburst, this time in front of our daughter, charging at me getting in my face AGAIN. And it was game over.

My reasons for wanting to know what I was dealing with diagnosis wise OR understanding wise was so I could have some idea if it was fixable. Interestingly, I have figured out that the meds he was on for depression cleared up some of his fog, but only revealed more deep underlying severe problems in relating to the world. The unstable sense of self is at the core. I could not tell for a while if he was "losing it" and could regain it or if he was simply cracking at the foundation that was not up to code in the first place.

Im not sure how pathologizing figures in here as a negative. He has pathological behaviors and there is no other way to acknowledge them except to do that. You are right, I did not need the diagnosis to know if I had enough, but I personally did need to know the diagnosis to know if there was any point in trying to reason with him. Again, the meds cleared his depression but revealed his very clear deliberate toxic choices.

Im on a support group now for spouses of BPD, and I agree with a previous poster that if its your KID, its another matter. I would go to the ends of the earth to try to help my kid if she had it. My husband I needed to cut loose to survive emotionally and now rescue my daughter from more damage than already has been done by his recent behavior towards her.

I still need to call that therapist and tell her she nailed it, eventhough she never definitively said that was the diagnosis, only that his behaviors and attitudes sounded like it.

Anyone dealing with BPD in a loved one, you might want to try this forum: http://outofthefog.net/[/quote]

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