Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]"Randi has different ideas.  She thinks, and says in her books, that they should be separated from their siblings.  She suggests that any therapist who implies that the parenting or the environment of the BPD child may be part of the problem should be shunned.  She advocates keeping book on your kid.  Asking one sibling to testify against another.  Placing them in a hospital permanently, or maybe a residential facility.  In one comment to a blog she asked you to consider how much your BPD child was costing you, and how much more of yourself should you really have to sacrifice for your child.

Needless to say, Randi Kreger is not a parent.  Yet she's an expert on how to be one."

Someone said something that has a number of factual errors:

"Randi has different ideas. She thinks, and says in her books, that they should be separated from their siblings."

o, I do not say that ever at all. Also, only one of my books talks specifically about children with BPD. I do have a booklet called "Hope for Parents." If you would like a copy I will send you one.

: She suggests that any therapist who implies that the parenting or the environment of the BPD child may be part of the problem should be shunned."

My goodness no. I don't even believe that the person who posted this believes this. What I do say is that because people who have been abused go to therapy, there is an over representation of people with bpd who have been abused. Also, since the DSM says 25% of all people with bpd have not been abused and many people who have been abused do not have bpd, we need to take a closer look at this. I also say that we have no idea how the stats were put together and how they defined abuse. This is not a black and white issue. I know of many non-abusive parents who have spent their lives and their own money fighting stigma and the assumption that all people with bpd have been abused.

"She advocates keeping book on your kid."

I have no idea what this means. Isn't "book" some slang for gambling?

"Asking one sibling to testify against another." 
I have no idea what this is about. Testify where about what? I did talk about what siblings face living with a sibling who grabs all of the parents' attention and what it is like to have a bpd sibling. I did give an example of a sister letting her parents know their borderline child was hiring someone to kill them. Are you seriously saying the sibling  should have kept that to herself? We will have to agree to disagree about this, except to say that the mother became a very vocal advocate for children with bpd and for many years helped other parents. I am glad she lives.

"Placing them in a hospital permanently, or maybe a residential facility."

Huh?

"In one comment to a blog she asked you to consider how much your BPD child was costing you, and how much more of yourself should you really have to sacrifice for your child."

There is a difference between a child under 18 and an adult child in their 20's and 30's. If your adult child is leaning on you totally for money and not taking any responsibility for their lives, I advocate setting limits. So does the National Education Alliance for BPD.

People have all sorts of opinions about me and my books. They make many assumptions about me personally as if they have ESP or perhaps met me and were one of my best friends. Perhaps doing that makes me not a person to them, but just an object. I don't mind opinions, but the facts are important to me. I would never want anyone to advocate that I promote an idea that I don't. My fear is that someone might believe it and take that as good advice. That is not me. That is on your head. [/quote]

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