Reply to I want ILs to stay in a hotel, DH won't budge

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Reply to "I want ILs to stay in a hotel, DH won't budge"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b][quote=Anonymous]TBH, if the roles were reversed and my DH ever tried to treat my parents the way some of you are advising the OP to do, we would divorce with a quickness. [/b]

But like a PP said, familes are different.  I love my IL's and they are welcome to stay whenever they come to town just as my parents are. And this is something DH and I discussed at length befoe we were married - what role would our parents play.   The one thing we told both sets is that we would not be elaborately entertaiing them.  We work them into our routine.  They are fine with that and actually like living a part of our day to day.  I enjoy their adult company and they always babysit one night while we go out.  So...instead of turning them away, we have embraced them and made it pleasant. [/quote]

Spot on!

Some of the advice on this issue is nothing short of a prescription for destroying a marriage.[/quote]

But what about the husband's complete disregard for what his wife has stated is an issue for her?[/quote]

But about the wife's complete disregard for what her DH has stated is an issue for him?  See...we could do this all day and not solve anything. TBH, this is one of those issues where OP and her DH need to compromise going in with the understanding that neither of them will get 100% of what they want. Wanting IL's to stay in a hotel is NOT a compromise. [/quote]

The point I was making is everyone is putting the blame at her feet.  She's not the only one involved in this and if she's stated it's an issue for her, then her husband needs to help reach a solution with his parents.[/quote]

The PP here that turned the statement around.  See.. I think there really is no "blame" to be had.  Both people feel the way they feel and they BOTH need to give to reach a sloution.  And when people feel the need to assign blame, that is when things get adversarial for no reason.  The IL's have no ill intent here - they just want to spend time with their family.  My point was that some of the advice that people are doling out here is based on the blameworthiness of the parties ("Your DH is wrong" "Your IL's are wrong").  I just do not think some of the advice given will lend itself to a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship with the IL's.  It will solve the immediate problem but will create others down the line.  Limit the visits in frequency and length - fine.  Re-allocate workload with DH - fine.  Forcing DH to tell his parents that they have to stay in a hotel and cannot stay at the house - future problems on BOTH fronts.    [/quote]

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