Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous]All of this is pretty fact specific, and I would suggest that OP have sister explore the situation further.

On the side of going to the wedding you have:  (a) close relationship between sisters and with niece and nephew and (b) it is a small wedding and nephew has a role if he attends (reading) so he would be missed if he does not attend.

On the sports side of things -- I would suggest the sister have a face to face meeting with the coach to get a handle on (a) where her kid stands with respect to the team; and (b) how important the tournament is to the team.  A 14 year old making a varsity soccer team could be because he is a very good player or because the team is not very good.  It would be important to know the role of the tournament.  Is the coach using that as a way to finalize the varsity team (i.e. an extended tryout) and is the nephew on the bubble of making the team or not.  Is the tournament more of an opportunity to get a first look at how the team might come together -- try and figure out who will play what positions?  If it is not an extended tryout and if it is not make or break for the kid then go to the wedding for sure.  The only way to know that for sure is to have the conversation.

I suspect that IF the kid is a good player the coach already has a position in mind and missing the tournament is not a huge deal.  If the kid is on the bubble the ramification may be that he does not make the varsity team.  As a soccer parent -- I can say that may not be a bad thing.  From the parent side of things I would be more than a little leery of a 14 year old on varsity unless you are talking about a very small school that also plays other very small schools so that it is common for young kids to play on varsity.  The size and strength differences between 14 year old freshmen guys and 18 year old seniors is a serious issue.  That physical difference is not as apparent in the girls high school game.  Also, from a team bonding thing you do have to keep a close eye out as seniors and juniors are into very different things than freshmen.  It would be cool for a freshmen to be on a varsity team but the experience may not be all that great.  It may well be better to be a very good player on a JV team with kids more his age. Again though, all of this is very fact specific.

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