Reply to Parents buying out my brothers x wife from the house

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Parents buying out my brothers x wife from the house"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1641, I agree with you in principle, but as adults, we all really need to understand that [b]"fairness" and equity are fluid things[/b]. The money that OPs brother is getting may not have been available as liquid assets for the parents to share a year ago, ten years ago, or whatever. OP does not know the full circumstance of this money ie. if it's a loan, if the parents will actually own the house, etc. She's making assumptions based on her own interpretation of the situation and her own measuring stick of fair (which seems to be purely about money).

Let me give you a different example. I grew up with an alcoholic mother in an abusive home. My brothers were born when I was a teenager. I raised them until they were young children (due to my mother'so incompetence to do so). I left home very young and forged out on my own.

Shortly after I left, my mother met another man, stopped drinking, and cleaned up her act. My brothers ended up, by all accounts, having a fairly stellar childhood, in a warm and loving home.

I don't begrudge them one moment of that. Is it fair? Hell no. Is it equitable? Nope. BUT life isn't then what it was then and is wasn't what it is now. Nothing can MAKE life fair. I love my brothers deeply and I am so happy they had the childhood I didn't.

I have a lot of tools in my emotional toolbox they'll never have [b]because of my experience. I am driven, unflappable, independent, and always land on my feet. [/b]The trade off in my life was being who I am. So it's not fair by one measuring stick, but more than fair in another.

[/quote]

1641 here.  I do agree to some extent that fairness is equity can be fluid in the sense it depends where you are financially and emetionally in that moment your kids need your support.  You can't give what you don't have and there is no time machine to go back and change things.  I do hope your mom has tried to make amends and perhaps be a better grandparent to your kids (assuming you have kids) than she was a parent to you.  No it won't bring back your childhood but I would think some regret and making an effort to move forward would go a long way.

I bolded the part about being driven, unflappable, and independent because to some extent as a parent that is my hope for all my children.  No, I don't want them to grow up in a home with unhappy parents with marital issues put in charge of their much younger siblings as a way forge independence and drive (my backstory).  The challenge for me is doing better by my children in a way that still encourages the drive and independence within a close non-dysfunctional relationship.  Part of that is I want my kids to be able to support each other (though I know personalities play into that) and whatever I can do to not create a sibling rivalalry situation I feel will help towards that goal.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics