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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Married coworkers want me but I'm to heavy for hubby"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The conflict on this thread is caused by two different approaches: you have those who believe the answer is to gently cajole the person into lifestyle changes. I see this all the time on threads that have to do with people who are overweight. There are allegations of fat-shaming, medical issues, eating disorders, need for counseling and so on. Then there are those who believe that much more is achieved by just confronting the reality: most people who are overweight eat too much, eat the wrong type of food and refrain from physical activity. I tend to belong to the latter school. It is really not helpful to be enablers - under the guise of being sensitive - to someone who is fat. It does not help the person who needs to lose weight. Most people who are overweight know why they are that way. I was overweight and one of the things I did was to avoid eating out as much as possible while I was working to lose the weight. Just about any food in restaurants is laden with calories and it is well nigh impossible to lose weight if one eats out a lot. Combine eating sensibly at home with exercise and most people will lose weight.[/quote] Your opinion as to the best approach is based on your anecdotal experience. As is mine - and my approach is pretty much the opposite of yours. I used to be morbidly obese, and now I'm a normal weight. Rather than harshly "confronting the reality", I think sensitive, supportive encouragement is more likely to be effective over the long-term. While I agree that most people who are overweight know why, I think they often don't know how to make sustainable changes (or the idea of doing so is overwhelming), and I think the simplistic "you're at fault, and you need to eat less and move more" approach leads people to fad diets, yo-yo dieting, self-hatred and a variety of other things that don't help most people lose weight and keep it off. I don't think that empowering people, without shaming them, is at all the same thing as enabling. Also anecdotal: I eat out often, and did while I was losing weight as well. Different things can work for different people.[/quote] This![/quote]
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