Reply to i wish my boyfriend was more motivated

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?[/quote]

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?[/quote]

I don't plan to be "just" a mommy. This in itself is severely insulting to mothers anywhere. Motherhood takes a lot of work!

I do want to not be nursing a new born and trying to meet deadlines at work. Ideally, I'd like to take 3-4 years off to focus on kids and go back to work. [/quote]

Then figure out how to save money so you can work half-time or buy a great house in the city with a rental unit that can supplement your income while you work part-time. This is what we were able to do. [/quote]

This.  I actually had more than one friend that saved up substantial money from her job in order to stay at home 2-5 years.  So it isn't out of the realm of possibility that you could be the ambitious one and bank the money in order to SAH for a few years.

I think the bigger issue is that either he is making financial plans without a real plan on how to achieve it or he isn't being honest with you about willing to be the main breadwinner.  For example, if you look at houses, would he look at one with a rental unit, or go for a townhouse instead of SFH and make the type of compromises needed for you to SAH or would he still insist that it could be done on just his salary when it would put you in a precarious financial situation to do so?

I'm with the pp that said if the man is your plan you better plan for a different man.  I wouldn't expect him to suddenly change.  Either you have to step up and make sure the finances are right for you to SAH or you need a different guy.  I'm assuming that he keeps a job and works hard at his job but doesn't particulary plan out moves to get higher paying jobs. If he has problems keeping jobs/lazy at work, that would be a whole different problem that won't get better with marriage and children.[/quote]

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