Reply to What's better for the kids - bad marriage or divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous]There will never be a consensus on this question because every marriage and every divorce are different.  Divorces can be civil, well orchestrated, and pretty non-dramatic AND they can be ball-breaking, nasty, chaotic nightmares.  Can you guess which one will be easier on the kids?  Marriages are different, too.  Watching a parent be abused physically or battered emotionally will also be traumatic on the kids.

There are ways to minimize the impact of divorce on kids, but it requires both adults to really work together.  This is not possible in all cases.  I divorced because of some spectacular cheating issues (pretty off the wall stuff done by my ex).  I kept that all from my kids -- and never once talked bad about their dad in front of them.  The divorce was pretty contentious and there was some pretty high drama around dissipation of assets by my ex.  Nonetheless, the kids were unaware of all of those things (age 8-13).

I could have turned the kids against their dad pretty easily.  His behavior was pretty deplorable.  But what would that accomplish in the long run?  I'd have kids that grew up resenting their dad and then when they got older, they'd probably resent me for turning them against their dad.  That's a sure way to mess them up forever.  Instead, I encourage them to have a positive relationship with their dad and his new girlfriend.  I have moved on with my life and am happy, too.

Good luck.  There are no easy answers.[/quote]

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