Reply to What's better for the kids - bad marriage or divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My best friend and his wife recently separated (with the intent to divorce) and I was very much against it in the beginning.  They have two daughters (9 and 4) and I was very worried about how it would affect the children.  I figured the 9 yo would be absolutely destroyed and talked to him a lot about ways they could work it out for kids.  In their case, they had been in therapy for years, even before the second child was born, so they really did try for years to make it work.

Fast forward a few months and everyone is doing well.  The girls seem happy and adjusted to their new normal and the parents get along well with no fighting.  My friend has also become a MUCH better father as a result of the divorce.  He was incedibly unhappy in his marriage and would avoid being around his wife as much as possible, which meant they never did anything as a family for fun.  Now that he is with his kids on his own 50% of the week, he's very attentive and they have a much better relationship with him because he is a happier person.  It really shows--his depression over his marriage had slowly turned him into a person who I didn't even recognize anymore.  Now, I can finally see the "old" him again--the guy who I became instant friends with 20 years ago.

I'm not saying that this is the norm or that you should walk away OP but just giving you an example of a situation where divorce (at least for right now), seems to have been the right move.  I just hope this lasts for the long haul. [/quote]

I truly believe A LOT of people use the kids as an excuse for not getting a divorced.  When truly they are just afraid of what divorce will mean to their time, their happiness, their bank account, and how the future will be without DW/DH.  So they sit back and say "Oh divorce is not good for the kids....they will be crushed".  But you can find story after story or kids being just fine....showing no signs of it traumatizing them.  Kids aren't as complex as we make them out to be.

After my split, my DS (7) had no issues at all.  "OH daddy is living in a new house and I get a new room?....COOL".  That was it.[/quote]

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