Reply to Sad about how the holiday visit to my family went

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]All the PPs criticizing the OP, I think you sound like a bunch of cold scolds. The OP's mom's situation is terrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But the OP's feelings are still valid. She had a crappy holiday for a lot of reasons. She gets to be sad that she had a crappy holiday. Her mom doesn't get a blanket pass to be a jerk because she is dealing with this awful care situation.[/quote]

Yeah, she gets to be sad about her holiday. I'm the PP whose father has Alzheimers and I'm sad about mine, and sad that my mother died too young as well. But I'm mature enough to appreciate that my sadness over missing out on a wonderful holiday with my extended family is trivial compared to the emotional burden of someone who is a FT caregiver for a loved one with end-stage Alzheimers. I can't imagine how anyone above the age of 5yo could be so selfish to complain about someone in that position. OP and PP, why don't you switch roles with your mother for a week or two and see how cheery you will feel about a house full of visiting family who need to be specifically instructed to pitch in with minor chores like taking out the trash.[/quote]

+1.

I have twins and a spouse who has spent 10 years having 17 eye surgeries and is nearly blind.  I'm the only driver in the house and there are many tasks that I have to handle because I'm the only one over the age of 4 who can see some things well enough.  And my MIL used to come visit and sit around and expect to be waited on hand and foot.  I'd be cooking and cleaning for the house and she would still want me to bring one of the toddlers to her (when they didn't want to come) and put them in her lap to hold and snuggle.  Like I'm supposed to burn dinner to carry a squirming 18 month old who doesn't want to sit in Grandma's lap to her and get him to sit there peacefully?  And I would have to go out and specialty shop for the odd things she ate (and her diet seemed to change almost every time she visited so I couldn't even shop before she got there).

Finally I said to my spouse that I wanted to limit the number of times she visited because it was so much work and so difficult.  My spouse conveyed this a lot more politely and then my MIL started behaving better when coming to visit.  Lo and behold she'll do her own shopping, she'll cook dinner once or twice in a week-long visit.  It's a start but every little bit helps.  Although I still do the lion's share of the work, it's not as draining as it used to be.  Just shopping for her own breakfast/snacks and cooking dinner once/week makes a huge difference in my attitude towards her visits.[/quote]

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