Reply to "Engagement" ring years after the fact? Yay or nay?

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Reply to ""Engagement" ring years after the fact? Yay or nay?"

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[quote=Anonymous]NP here.  I kind of get it. My mom used to crack me up because she would say how the first wife, you met when you had nothing, you had no ring or barely a ring.  You were in the apartment that you couldn't afford to cool and heat properly.  Even now, when you can afford to hear the house, if you say you are cold, the DH suggest you put on another sweatshirt ...maybe a holdover from when you didn't have a choice.  If you drop dead tomorrow the second wife won't be proposed to with a blow pop ring but at least a one carat diamond. If she complains she is cold, he will say, oh let me rush to turn up the heat, is that enough, would you like a blanket or for me to start the fire?. I can't tell the story the way my mom does about the hypothetical second wife complete with the man dialogue. I think my mom's point in weaving these stories was not to make me this high maintenance crazy person (in reality my mom worked two jobs at times to help support the family) but realize someone will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated and if you let yourself be taking for granted you will be. It isn't that your husband doesn't have the capacity to be generous or thoughtful is just was not required of him in order to be with you.  But now you are 15 years into the marriage and it's hard to change course for both of you.

So anyway, I think you will need to be direct with DH but don't expect him to jump for joy or suddenly turn all romantic.  If you really want an engagement ring, go with him as he asked. If you would like him to have done some research ahead of time, be direct and say it would really mean a lot to me if as part of our anniversary you already did the research on this before we go to the store and together you get an idea of styles I like. I don't think you can or will recapture the romance of the proposal but ask if he would write a letter about what he would write for vows today, knowing what he knows now and you read the letters too each other on your anniversary.  I know my DH would grumble and be like what ....but at the end of the day he would do it.

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