Reply to I need to warn a friend about all the bad things that happen when you cheat

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

[b]Cheating has ZERO to do with the kids.[/b] [/quote]

What horseshit. You are so, incredibly wrong. OP asks about the bad things that happen when you cheat, people respond that the impact on the kids is devastating, and you say that cheating has zero to do with the kids?

Don't go out of your way to tell them? Fine. But they are still harmed when the marriage is damaged. They're harmed further still when they discover, one way or another, why their family life was damaged. Nobody told me that my dad was sleeping with the neighbor lady when I was 2. But, I grew up and did the fucking math, and got angry. Got even angrier at my Dad when I had kids of my own. [/quote]

NP here, this is kind of an immature stance though. sure some people are just cheaters, but for others things like this don't just happen- both marriage partners contribute to it. What if a woman didn't have sex with her husband for two years before he cheated- is he the only one who is wrong there? 
Young children never need all of the details on what went wrong with adult relationships- because they will not have enough perspective on things until they are adults, and sadly maybe not even then.

[/quote]

There is no excuse for cheating.  Wife not having sex with you?  Get counseling.  That doesn't work? Get a divorce.  If you aren't happy with the marriage - wo/man up and get out.[/quote]
This is a very naive, black-and-white, childish way to see things.  Life can throw a myriad of scenarios at you that don't fit into it.  The fact of the matter is that you can be reasonably happy in your marriage while getting your sexual needs met somewhere.  No person can be all things to another. [/quote]

PP here.  If your spouse in onboard with that or you have an open marriage -- please go forth.  However, most marriages include a vow of fidelity or an assumption that a partner will not step out.  At the very least, you owe it to your spouse to honor the marriage vows.  If they aren't keeping up with their end of the bargain or you can't find a compromise to meet your sexual needs -- then you end the marriage.  No one needs sex so badly and so immediately, that they cannot take the time to respect their spouse and the promises of their marriages.  It really is very simple.

And FWIW, I say this as a now divorced woman whose spouse cheated because he wasn't sexually satisfied. In hindsight, it was much more complicated, but that was his reason for his infidelity.  He left the marriage a long before and did nothing to try to work on our relationship or find a path to satisfaction and happiness. [/quote]

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