Reply to worried about my single and 35 year old sister

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 35, single, and USED to really want to get married and have kids.

Then people around me started getting married and having kids, and I realized that it changes everything, and isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm privy to the exhausting marital challenges of family/friends, and the changes/challenges of having kids. And it's really, really decreased my interest. I'm in no rush. I don't envy my family/friends. I enjoy the time to play Awesome Auntie to all the kiddies, but I also enjoy the freedom to pursue my own interests and hobbies. I feel fulfilled and happy!

OP, unless your sister *really* truly asks for your help, I would stay out of it. You really risk damaging the relationship without her explicit asking for your involvement. It's possible to have a fulfilling life without marriage/kids, and it's possible that maybe she's not really that interested in marriage/kids, but says so because that's just the expected thing to say.[/quote]

But the key, the KEY here is what her sister wants for herself.  If she feels she wants a husband and kids, then her sister SHOULD talk to her about how she is trying to get there and what else she might do.  No question though: her sister getting to a place where she's happy with HERSELF is always the first and most important thing.  OP's sister does not sound happy, but OP can talk to her about that part.

Your situation PP is that you are now happy.  Cool, that is great for you, and you're not alone, there are many women or women and men who get to that point and realize that's not what they want.  Cool, you're in a place you're happy to be.  But do NOT make the mistake of thinking that that is where all women will get to.  If it's a big deal for a woman now that she's single, or that she doesnt have kids, you have NO IDEA whether she'll turn out ot be someone who would be happy with not trying further, or who would regret not doing everything she could when she could to try to find those things.  Of course it's never too late to find a partner/boyfriend/husband, people get married in their 80s so that's not the time-limited thing.  But having kids with a husband - that is time-limited.

Maybe OPs sis isn't' as worried or unhappy as she thinks, and if that's true, cool, she should just keep being a good sister.  But she needs to ASK, she needs to engage her sister.  Making assumptions that she'll end up content in the same way as you are is awful, and her sis may need some real caring attention to face processing what she will need to do to make herself happy, if indeed she is nto at all where she wants to be in her life.[/quote]

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