Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents divorced after 26 years of marriage.  I was 24 at the time and my brother was 25.  They hung on until we graduated college and got established, and then they split up acrimoniously.  My dad has a girlfriend who my mom despises (and never fails to tell us so) and my dad is also furious about my mom having a man friend.  My brother and I moved on and had our own families, but holidays, kids' birthdays and family get-togethers are very difficult when you have divorced parents who hate each other and won't be in the same room together.  My mom made a scene at my daughter's baptism lunch because she didn't want to be in a group family picture with my dad and his girlfriend. I also hate having to divide our time between so many places (my husband's parents are also divorced).  My kids are still little, but sometimes I think about their confirmations, high school and college graduations, weddings, etc. and it makes me very sad that my parents are incapable of putting their issues aside to participate in family events under one roof.  I suggest that [b]in addition to thinking about how a divorce would affect your kids, think about how it will affect your grandkids. [/b][/quote]

+10000.  My parents are absolutely gobsmacked to discover they get less grandparent time as a consequence of their divorce.  Yes, they are morons.  There is no end to the burdens divorce places on the next generation-- until the parents die that is.  It is just so awful having elderly divorced parents, makes caring for them much more difficult.

Take the longER view, OP.  And don't throw away your marriage without sincerely trying.  Have a real talk, with a therapist or without, and truly listen to what your wife says and try to meet her in the middle.  It's a two-way street and what she says may be hard to hear.  But if you want her to change, you must be willing to change too.  Are you the world's only perfect person?  I doubt it.  So get ready to work on yourself and the marriage both.[/quote]

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